And the winner is...

Surrendering to Motherhood

by Jennifer Huffman
Napa Valley Register | Monday, October 18, 2010

Many of us will be voting for our favorite political candidates in the coming weeks. But I’m competing in a different race. It’s called “The Most Embarrassing Mom in the World.”

It’s easy to become “The Most Embarrassing Mom in the World.” Any mom is eligible and mothers of all ages can apply. Here are just a few of the many examples of how you too can compete for this title:

• Pick up your child after a middle school dance wearing your pajamas and slippers.

• Go to Back to School night and tell each teacher a different “funny” story about your teen. When you get home tell your teen about all the great conversations you had with her teachers.

• Friend your teen on Facebook and “Like” everything they post on their wall. Friend any of your teen’s friends on Facebook. Post photos of your teen on your own Facebook page and tag her in the pictures.

• Sing out loud to any song on the radio when your children are with you in the car. “The Most Embarrassing Mom in the World” candidates get bonus points if you continue to sing at a stoplight with the windows rolled down and another car next to you.

• When listening to the radio, ask your tween if Flo Rida is a boy or a girl. Ask if he really was born in Florida. Look it up later on Wikipedia to double-check.

• Cheer really loud for your daughter and her teammates at her volleyball or other sports games. Wave wildly and clap your hands when she hits her serve over the net. Yell “Good try, honey!” if it doesn’t make it over the net.

• While shopping, pick out a dress that you think would look “really cute” on your teenager/tween. Insist she try it on. Make her model it while you take pictures of her in the dressing room with your cell phone camera. Post them to Facebook.

• Recommend a certain pair of shoes that look “comfortable” to your teenager or child. Tell her how “practical” they are. Suggest you share the shoes.

•Talk with any of your teenager’s friends without clearing it with your teenager first.

• Ask your elementary school student if she has to go “potty” in front of her friends.

•Ask your teenager/middle school student if she likes a certain boy at school, then approach parent of said potential love interest at a PTA meeting and introduce yourself. Exchange e-mail addresses with the other parent.

• Visit your teenager’s high school for a parent teacher conference. Find your daughter in the cafeteria and say hello to her during lunch break. Ask her why she’s eating a Slim Jim instead of something “more healthy.”

• Try to take your ninth-grader’s picture at the school science fair.

• When your teen has a friend sleep over, show the friend photos of your daughter as an infant/toddler/preschooler. Be sure to mention you used to dress all three of your girls in matching outfits. For double points, pull out more photo albums.

• Try to hold your tween’s hand when crossing the street, ideally in front of her school or any other public place.

• Wave to your teen across the crowded parking lot at a football game and shout her name over and over until you get her attention and so she can see where you are sitting.

• Talk about your child’s messy room or hygiene habits to another parent in the school parking lot.

• When your teen starts giving you attitude in public, say “PLEASE DON’T TALK TO ME THAT WAY,” loud enough so everyone around you looks over.

• Suggest your 10th-grader take a sweater on a school field trip to a San Francisco museum. Tell her to “stay with her group” while at the museum. Make her promise to call from the bus on the way home.

• Make your children listen to your “Best of the ’80s” New Wave music CD in the car on a two-hour volleyball game road trip with all their friends. Tell them all about how cool life in the ’80s was.

• Suggest your tween make friends with another classmate that you think seems “really nice.” Ask your teen why she doesn’t hang out with her best friend from third grade any more.

• Write a regular column for the local newspaper about your three girls. Smile sympathetically when your teen tells you she is embarrassed because her teachers ask her if her mom is “that” Jennifer Huffman. Save copies of your column so they can be embarrassed in the future as well.

The judges for “The Most Embarrassing Mom in the World” will be my three daughters, ages 10 to 16. Using a cringe factor, they will rank the level of embarrassment from each incident to award the title.

May the most embarrassing mom win.