Wake up call

Some teens are into sports and athletics. Others go for music or theater. But there’s one thing that almost every teen loves to do: sleep in.
Have you ever tried waking up a teen on a Saturday morning? Good luck with that. They’re like hibernating bears — nothing can shake them from their coma-like slumber.
If teens had their way, they’d stay up all night and sleep in past lunchtime. Their body clocks would synchronize with Mid East time zones while the rest of us stay on Pacific Standard Time.
Are you, too, having trouble getting your teen out of bed these days?
Here are some strategies you might consider:
• Try the “Zen mom” method.
Rub the teen’s feet. Pat their back. Say “good morning” in a cheery “happy mom” voice. If the teen actually opens one eye, give them a nice big smile. Side note: This is the most pleasant but least effective way to wake up a teen.
• Get serious.
Using your best “I mean business” voice, go to their room and say, “It is time to wake up, NOW.” Return to the teen’s bedroom every
3.5 minutes. Repeat until the teen is sitting up. Make sure the teen’s eyes are actually open when they do sit up.
• Send in the dogs.
Get the family dog to go into the teen’s room and start licking their face. If the dog can howl on command, that’s even better.
• Bring on the bacon.
Open the teen’s bedroom door and then start frying some bacon in the kitchen. No teen can resist the smell. They may sleepwalk to the kitchen, but at least they’ll be up.
• Pull the blankets off the teen and off the bed. Caution — beware when using “blanket removal.” This strategy is very effective but can backfire. It may wake up the teen but can put them in a really bad mood they’ll take hours to recover from.
In an attempt to wake up one particularly zombie-like teenager on a Sunday morning, I decided to get creative.
I climbed onto her bed and started bouncing up and down. Then I started singing. This is harder than it sounds.
First, twin beds are narrow. I could have fallen off and broken an arm.
Second, I could have broken one of her arms while I was jumping on her bed. How would I explain that in the ER?
Lastly, have you ever tried jumping and singing at the same time? Madonna and J-Lo make it look way easier than it is.
One day last summer I came home from work around 2 p.m. It was awfully quiet in the house. Too quiet. What did I find when I opened our teen’s bedroom door? You guessed it — a certain someone sawing logs.
I wish I could say I had a moment of motherly reflection while gazing at our daughter.
Nope. Her head and body were covered by three layers of blankets.
The only thing I could see was two bare feet.